Children are the gift from God. However, this gift from God doesn't come with a How-To-Grow-Me-Up manual. Now more and more families have both parents working while their kids are growing up. For those families, parenting is not a easy task.
When children are just babies, they are adorable and lovely. They don't talk too much, and they don't talk back to you. They go where ever you want them to go. The only thing you need to do it to feed them, keep them warm and safe. When they grow older, they can be annoying and nasty. However, we often mistakenly assume that they are little adults who are reasonable and repect the authority. We try to talk them out, and we often end up with one of the two scenarios: talk-persuade-argue-yell or in addition hit-run.
Sometimes do you wish that children would come with a shut-off switch so you just turn it off? If your kids sometimes drive you crazy like my 4-year old son, Dr. Thomas Phelan's "1-2-3 Magic" comes handy to save the day. The 1-2-3 Magic technique is very effective to dealing to stop behaviors for children from 2 to 12. Stop behavior is about what the kid is doing, such as whinning, arguing, yelling, cursing ,etc.
How does the 1-2-3 Magic work? The instruction is very simple. Once the kid is misbehaving, you hold up one finger, look down at the little insurgent, and calmly say, "That's 1." He doesn't stop. You let five seconds go by, then you hold up two fingers and say "That's 2." After another five seconds, your kid doesn't stop. You hold up three fingers and say "That's 3, take 5." The little guy will end up with a 5-minute time-out.
Let me go over a weekday pre-dinner scenario at 6:15 pm between me and my 4-year old son Daniel in the kitchen:
"Daddy, can I have a peanutbutter Chewy?"
"Nope."
"Why not?"
"Cause we are having dinner in 15 minutes."
"But I want one."
"I just told you that you couldn't have one."
"I am really,really, really hungry, daddy."
"If I give you one, you'll never finish your dinner."
"I promise I'll eat my dinner after the Chewy."
"You promised to finish your bread at the breakfast, but you never did."
"I am not hungry. I don't want to eat dinner any more."
Here is what happened whe I started practising 1-2-3 Magic:
"Daddy, can I have a peanutbutter Chewy?"
"Nope."
"Why not?"
"Cause we are having dinner in 15 minutes."
"But I want one."
"That's 1."
"I am really,really, really hungry, daddy."
"That's 2."
"I promise I'll eat my dinner after the Chewy."
"That's 3, take 5."
Here is what happened after a few days' practice of 1-2-3 Magic:
"Daddy, can I have a peanutbutter Chewy?"
"Nope."
"Why not?"
"Cause we are having dinner in 15 minutes."
"But I want one."
"That's 1."
(Pause) "OKey." Daniel then left for the sun room for a quiet playing.
There are two critical rules to make the 1-2-3 Magic work: no-talking and no-emotion. Children are quick at finding out what upset us the most on regular basis. And for sure, they will repeat it for you again and again.
There are many benefits for using 1-2-3 Magic. First is saving your energy. There is no extra talking and no extra emotion. Second is that 1-2-3 Magic is a control both to the children and their parents. You will stay calm instead of getting into an emotional explosion. The last is that you will have more time for fun and affection with your children.
